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Life In A Jungle
Sunday, August 02, 2009
The past where we belong
It's a wonder how I lost a little bit of myself in this period of time. Self-effacing. I never expected Dr Narayan to hit the sore spot so accurately. Everyone just says how I'm quiet and all things typical. But he did say that perhaps this will go away with maturity. Wonder when I'll ever reach there.
Ok, it's a lie if I said that his comment didn't bother me, especially when someone (stupid Richard) told me that it meant self-deprecating. But I do suppose that if I'm always self-effacing, I must be self-deprecating in some way and I don't feel good about it. I want to break away and be brave. Where was me?
The past week just made me totally frustrated. I hate being pushed aside like I don't matter or I don't mind anything but I don't dare to stand up. I wanted to scrub in for surgery but I didn't speak up. I wanted to say stop looking over my head and start giving me opportunities. But most of all I want to say stop...stop letting the past dictate my future.
What am I really afraid of?
On a better note, my car's here. Good ol' Dee, a 21 yo volvo. She's taken a liking to me and so far been alright. And I drove alone on Saturday. To the Glen and to church. I'm awesome and I can manage a big car as a new driver. Now I have to work on being punctual. Can no longer used those public transport excuses.
Posted by grace :P at 4:02 pm
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