Sunday, August 27, 2006
a spoilt yesterday
like everyone else, i have my bad days. yesterday was one of them. it was over really silly stuff i suppose but it really made me upset and i wanted people to talk to. see ann tried and i do thank her for that. it's just that i didn't know what was wrong with me till i prayed before i slept.
everytime i'm upset, i try to stand back up as fast as i can and be happy despite wanting to cry so badly. i guess it's cos i'm so used to standing alone and having only myself to lean on. i don't trust people to stick with me through my troubles cos they only know how to watch me and not help me. been a bit more open these past two years i guess but am still very cautious about the things i tell people. yes, i know i have God but there are the days when i don't feel like talking to Him because i know what He's doing and i don't like it. haha. i seem like a small kid sulking. luckily, my God is bigger than that to withstand all my tantrums. thanks God!!
ok, let me tell everything from the beginning. leanne told me that she's been looking for a new home church and she's been praying about it. so i was like a bit unhappy when she told me that ages ago. i don't like change. i usually find it hard cos i've had really bad experiences with it. but as she hadn't decided at that time, i was still ok. then last week, when i went to the planet shakers church, she said that she'd decided that she's gonna make planet shakers city church her home church. i was like ok. my heart was feeling it but i didn't wanna make her feel bad so i smiled everything through.
she asked me to pray for her as she was gonna tell everyone in our cell group. i was like ok. again, upset but am doing my very best to hide it and stop it from making me cry. ok, i confess. i wasn't THAT overjoyed about her going. in fact, i wasn't that enthusiastic about praying for her either but cos she's my friend, i did so. almost every night and whenever i remembered. but all that prayer didn't change the way i felt. i was upset and i was hiding it from myself.
on friday, reality hit me on the face. she announced to everyone. yes, i was happy for her. yes, i know if that's where God wants her to go, i'm not to hold her back. but what i didn't understand was why it couldn't be later. why couldn't it be after i really got used to this church and got to know the people? i still feel like a stranger in that church. sobs. so during worship, i actually had tears flowing down my cheeks. but i tried my best to wipe them away and stop myself from sobbing uncontrollably and make leanne upset. still, just being in God's presence made me let the tears flow. although i was still holding in my flood of tears, God let the little trickle of tears rolled down my face. this always happen whenever i'm upset and busy hiding it from myself. and i would do it so well that i'd know there's something wrong with me but i don't know what. then, i'd be in the presence of God and i'll be crying like non-stop. that's the reason why sometimes when i'm upset, i don't wanna be close to God cos i know i don't wanna cry. i wanna stay "strong and happy" but who was i kidding? i knew i was unhappy and so did God.
"Where can i go from Your spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence?...even there Your hand shall lead me, and Your right hand shall hold me fast."
~Psalm 139:7,10~
like said in that psalm above, God was definitely holding me tight. He coaxed the tears out of me yesterday after a whole day of being distracted and not being me. I had a partially good cry. still have some of it in my heart. why, you might ask, am i so upset because leanne was changing church? it's not a big deal, i know.
the truth is that i was just being stupid. i thought that eversince i came to Australia, God isn't gonna take away people anymore. but He did to heal me from my past. and i know it alhough i wasn't happy about it. He wants me to learn to lean on Him and not others. He wants me to know that my security is in Him and not others. and also, He wants me to love the family of God at crossway and get to know them. He wants me to not be afraid of getting to know people. i usually am cos of the things i've been through. i may know many people on the outside and seem to be able to click easily but the truth is that i do not show people what's inside me. they tend to tell me things but i never do share back. i'm just scared. scared of history repeating itself. but now i know, He's holding me fast and leading me. God, i'm holding You to that promise in that verse! I'm claiming that verse over my life!!
thanks so much to all who have tried and thanks to God especially. sorry if i seem really silly. i'm just a baby at heart. haha. God pampers me XD!! ok, love you guys and god bless.
"Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will hardship, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?...No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." ~Romans 8:35,17-39~
Posted by grace :P at 4:05 pm
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Sunday, August 20, 2006
beef rendang...yum!!
you know, i think by now, my jungle evolves around food. well, at least the titles are. but i hope the points in it are not.
anyway, today was melbourne uni's open day. the day started pretty bleak. shouting at my sister to hurry up. power walking to the tram stop although halfway, my flat feet were hurting so bad that i slowed down. dreading to see the horrible look of carolyn who keeps thinking we're late but we're not. but it wasn't as bad as i expected. well, at least, she didn't give me the ugly face. *phew*
didn't see much cos i'm like out of a lot of choices for my preferences. but now, i guess ok ler. i have firmly made up my mind about medicine. just still praying for which one uni i prefer to go to do med. the rest of my preferences are health sciences and although i have made my mind up on med, i do not believe that it's good for me to just simply fill up the spaces for the rest of the VTAC application. am still arranging them in order and reconsidering cos my mum made good points tonight about them.
so after spending most of the morning walking while trying to find my way around (and i was doing this really badly cos i was not really THAT interested in the open day. been last yr...TWICE. go figure), i went to melbourne central to meet up with suet and to return her FULL HOUSE series. FINALLY. let me tell you, i've kept that thing since march. and i've already burnt it quite long time ago. haihs. then i went on the agonising shopping for my sister and mel's present. both birthday gals are equally fussy about their presents.
mel doesn't want: clothes, accessories, girly stuff, DRUMSTICKS, drum pads, etc.
my sister wants: things that she would think nice and she has already asked see ann to OBVIOUSLY hint to me -_-!!
so yea, walked around so two hours or so and still haven't found their presents. bought checkpoints as i was walking down swanston street. then went to mcDs to meet up with my sister at 4.30pm. that woman only came around 5pm >S. luckily, i met jun, lynn and claire, all as thirsty as me and we were all craving for snacks. haha. had fries. when my sister came, i decided to abandon the plan of going to crossway for worship cos it'll be too rush by the time i get back. so went to planet shakers. it was awesome. i could seriously feel the spirit of God moving. but actually, i do feel that anywhere :) (thank God for that. if i didn't feel that whenever i'm worshipping God, i'll be worried XD). and guess what?? I GOT FREE SHAKERS CD!! wahahaha. at first, i didn't want to sign up as a newcomer but then when bing said that got free CD, the greedy part of me went and do it XD. oh well, i was never perfect :D.
the best part was the fellowship with bing and leanne. i think those two are pretty close as they've been doing much goodwork together in the boarding house. sometimes, i do feel left out. they're kinda close to me but as they work together, they're closer with each other. and at times, i do admit that i'm envious of them but i've prayed about it and i know that someday i will do the miraculous work of God. till that day, i'll do the best that i can. yes, i have not forgotten that my sister was there all the time.
haha. anyway, we went to NELAYAN (an indo restaurant) to eat. ALL OF US HAD BEEF RENDANG!! it was soooo yummy!!! make me extremely full. there goes the exercise on friday and all the walking i did today. haihs. nevermind, will try harder this week *winks*. ok, now to bed after a really tiring day. my thigh is hurting now!! am so unfit :P. nites and god bless!!
Posted by grace :P at 11:43 pm
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Saturday, August 19, 2006
cranium and poker
yup, yesterday i went to the yr 12 crossway's social-ish thing. i was really reluctant to go at first. for many reasons that is. but i thought, if in the long run i'm gonna be in this church, i'd better get to know ppl.
so we went. we were already half an hour late but all the people there were guys. -_-!! i mean seriously, like none of the gals appeared except for melanie who came later at about 9pm. we played cranium. 4 groups of four. it was ok ler. not spectacular but i guess the only thing i realised is that australians have like limited card games. besides stuff like poker and other gambling related games, they know nothing. i did learn how to play poker and pass the ace, but besides that, it was kinda boring, no offense. couldn't pig out cos i had just eaten dinner and was extremely tired due to exercise *glares at ashley*.
but the whole thing reminded me of my church friends in malaysia. when we had all these fun activities under the name of fellowship, it was always fun. we would play heart attack in huge groups. everyone would be shouting and screaming. and then the game called murderer or something like that. bluff would be included. there would definitely be chor tai ti. i miss those days. even church camps. besides, the house that we had the social in had so many CDs and they reminded me of alvin's fantastic collection of pirated DVDs.
so yea, i hope i do get to know people in crossway and become part of that church(that is if it is God's will for me to stay there). there was one funny part about yesterday tho. cos there was this pair of twins, ben and matt (not that alike if you ask me). shan asked them how far are they apart, and they replied 17 mins. then when it came to my sister and i, shan introduced that we are sisters.
paul/nixon: so who's older and how far apart are you?
me: *raising my hand* me. we're two years apart.
shan: *laughing* that must have been a long birth. their mother must have suffered a lot.
we all laughed. for those who don't know, my sister and i look alike to other people. our friends do tend to get us mixed up. heck, even my parents do call us the wrong names and they've been doing that our whole lives. so, naturally, people would have thought that we are twins altho we are SO not. i used to have some of my friends telling me that they would think that i had just passed them. when they take a really close look and after a while, they realised it was not me. -_-! and to think i call them my friends.
anyway, tomorrow's melbourne uni's open day. after that, i think i'm gonna start my VTAC application on my preferences. till now, i only have 5 and i need a minimum of 8. haihs, all these crap. >P bleh. need to sleep now. nites all and god bless.
note: to all my help friends, i heard that your results were not that good. am really sorry to hear that. hope you'll survive this. and to everyone else, do take time to admire my new chatbox and leave a msg!! XD
Posted by grace :P at 10:50 pm
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Wednesday, August 16, 2006
steam fish concert
this happened on monday. again, done by ashley. don't wanna spoil things for you, so just keep reading.
so end of school. mel, tian, ash, me and my sis were all hanging out around my locker area before we say our goodbyes for the day. so mel was telling tian about this place she went.
mel: the zhing yu is very expensive. (in canto)
tian replies to mel.
ash: eh, what's zhing yu?
me: steam fish
ash: *smiles embarassedly* i thought they were talking about a concert.
me: haha. what did you think they were talking about? steam fish concert?!
everyone was busy laughing at ash. let me say, it only takes ash to do retarded things like that. just before i end, i wanna apologise if sometimes my entries are too long. i just wanna share the moment with all of you. but i guess some moments just can't be relived. haha. ok. till next time, god bless.
Posted by grace :P at 6:03 pm
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Monday, August 14, 2006
nasi lemak!
haha. i just realised as i type the title that my blog is very much food related. oh well, i LOVE food, XD!!
so my weekend was awesome. some people might say that i'm such a slacker. i do have to admit that i am. but like everyone else, i do deserve a bit of slack especially when i'm wrestling with God on the future of my life. seriously, how in the world do i know what to choose? man, up till now, my life has been lead by God step by step. it's like He has been holding my hand and telling me where to go. not that i mind. but like leanne, it's time for me to decide. be the big girl and choose. it's hard. especially knowing that i'm such a passionate person when it comes to things i love. oh well, will just keep on praying. pray for me if you want to. i really need it cos this issue has been making me lose focus. i'm like aimless and i don't like to be aimless. haha. God knows that.
anyway...SO, my weekend was AWESOME!! on friday, i did nothing but slack. haha. had quite a lot of fun in church cos we had a taste of what it was like to live in east timor. man, let me tell you, it was T-O-U-G-H to crawl on concrete and then carry a bucket, may i emphasise it again A BUCKET LOAD, of water while crawling. i feel so achieved. haha. it was tough man. inspiring. and that's not even half of what those kids in east timor are going through. horrible. people, please just keep donating ok. they really need it.
and then my saturday was a nice mixture of HORROR, and FUN!! how contradicting but then again, that's how life always is. so, it started of with me having to do my sister's hair. for those who don't know me, let me just say that anything beauty related, especially the hair, is not my expertise. i can't even manage my own curly hair!! talk about doing my sister's. so she told me somewhat of the thing she wanted, gave me instructions which i struggled to remember while trying to picture how her hair is suppose to look like and then she surrendered her precious hair into my care.
it was not THAT much of a disaster. now i can PROUDLY say that i have curled someone's hair with those freaking rollers. curling iron is easy...it was ze rollers that were hard. the end product was ok. i felt a bit bad cos it was not like amazing or pretty. in fact, i thought i did a really horrible job of it. was sulking a bit about it the whole night cos i honestly felt so bad about making my sister ugly. then when she came back and showed me the pictures, i was happier. it was prettier as i didn't put that much hairspray so most of the curls didn't stay. THANK GOD!! so it came out quite pretty, i must say, considering my hairdressing skills are like NONE.
and after sending my sister off, i went to ashley's to eat NASI LEMAK!! ain't i happy!! unlike most people, i don't get to go home often to eat malaysian food and the aussie version of them usually sucks. so i enjoyed TWO plates of nasi lemak. tho, i must add that my stomach paid a bit of price for it. luckily i'm smart enough to drink a bit of hot water if not i sure die. for the ignorant, i lack emulsifying agents. so too much fatty food gives me much pain. that's why i pig on carbs like chocolates, jelly beans, the like.
then we watch movie, "the notebook". it was a really sweet story tho i didn't cry. lynn, don't worry i'm not pissed. i'm just a romantic at heart. haha. the reason i didn't cry? people were spoiling my romantic atmosphere. *sobs* it'll be a long time before i can watch it cos i'll keep remembering all that mandarin throwing done by ashley to sha and yan yin who so happen to sit beside me. *glares at ash* just kidding. then played ping-pong which caused my old stiff bones to hurt. not funny ok. i'm still suffering the side effects of it today.
thus, my fun-filled weekend with bare minimum hw. i watched a lot of anime on sunday and felt so freaking scared of mrs starkey(bio teacher who's always pissy) today as i thought i haven't finished all my bio hw. luckily, the one i haven't finished was the one she wasn't checking. *phew*. ok, now to bed for my food burning tmr. such a waste of food for the sake of education. i'd rather feed my hungry stomach *winks*
Posted by grace :P at 10:25 pm
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Monday, August 07, 2006
monash open day
yesterday, as most uni-hunting ppl would know, is monash open day. it was very fun!! i love it! so woke up yesterday extremely early. at 8 am on a sunday!! ok la, i woke up at like 7/8 something then i went back to sleep :P. what you expect?! it's the weekend for goodness sake! anyway, got ready and was at the bus stop by 9:17 am and carolyn (retarded as usual) had her watch at m'sian time. so when she converted to aussie time, she added 3 hours and scolded me, "see la!! told you we were late! when we left the house, we were late adi!" so i gave her the -_-! look and asked her to check her watch again. haihs, she memang stress for nothing.
anyway, went so early to monash that i was basically watching people setting up the place for open day. and i didn't get a bag till later. went for my usual stuff but this time, much shorter. medicine, biomedical sciences, biochemistry,nutrition and dietetics and pharmacology. i like the pharmacology lecturer. she's so nice. and the administrator at the biomed stall. she's nice too. talked a lot with her. haha.
anyway, the highlight of my day was not waiting for 2 hours doing nothing while my sis and carolyn finish their talks. it was going with ash and lynn.
at first, i met them and they were like showing me their slime. lynn's one was pink and nice to play with. you could actually play with it without it sticking to your hand. you can even use it to hit other people. on the contrary, ashley's one was really a good representation of her. R-E-T-A-R-D-E-D. she did everything according to instructions but her green slime just wouldn't be normal. i guess, one's creation can only reflects one's character. haha. but wait...that's not the funniest part.
the funniest thing is when we visit the med faculty while waiting for lynn to finish her talk. you see, i went earlier to the med faculty and met annelise (last yr's plc student, i.e. my senior) and one of ben's friend, lee mei. i do have to admit i thought this guy named shannon was ben. but then, i remembered, ben has lost weight. haha. anyway, he wasn't there so i hung out with his friends. we went and i met lee mei again but this time, she was with her friend, chloe. they were experimenting the instruments on each other. so i decided to learn. ahah. then i thought it would be good to practice on ash XD.
so i put the thing on her arm. but i did it the other way around. after many times, this guy named fahreem came to help. while i was trying the thing on ash, four guys came in with the surgery cap and mask together with their sunglasses. so funny! so fahreem was showing how to do it properly and when he asked me to hear for the first pulse, i couldn't hear anything. i heard chloe's pulse. so, i am not deaf. then fahreem changed the stethoscope and the blood pressure thing. and we try again. but still couldn't. then we try the other hand. still sucked. haha. by this time, i was LOUDLY claiming that ash has no pulse :P. the four guys with the surgery caps were laughing too. so we thought, maybe we should let her hear her own heartbeat. so she wore the stethoscope and was putting the thing on her chest but STILL couldn't hear anything. fahreem officially pronounced her dead. HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! then we felt for her pulse at her wrist. LUCKILY, he found her pulse. she's so lousy. haha. that entertained me for quite long. then i went back. haha.
ok, end of the open day story. now i can't say i'll update so often since school's starting again tmr. today's the last day of my 3-day weekend :(. tests again!! but it's ok. 2 PLUS MORE MONTHS TO GO!!! YAY!!! XD
Posted by grace :P at 4:42 pm
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Saturday, August 05, 2006
because of you
haha. 98 degrees. i remember the time when this song was so popular. in my early primary school days? man, it's old. anyway, now, a follow up on yesterday's event: Mars Festival.(note the lack of enthusiasm)
I was tired by the time I waited for everyone to come. had a esl creative writing sac. it was insane. i was rewriting my essay in the past tense in the last half and hour. 1000+ words in an hour is an achievement for those who know me. i write S-L-O-W
and so, it was overall ok ler. only like Sounds Like Chicken and Cacktus. was in the acoustic section (sadly no serenading song that i could drool over the guitar). the cacktus was on. so funny. here's a bit of the lyrics of one of their songs.
we've been friends for a very long time
but now i'm angry(or something like that)
give me back my twenty cents
i've charged interest
it's now fifty two cents
why do I have a nose?
if i had no nose, i wouldn't be able to smell ____'s fart
but the nose is good for export
to inhale those things to bring into bali...
why must we wear clothes?
I would rather be a nudie (and something which i couldn't hear)
...i would rather see your boobies.
haha. then there was a song about supre. so funny. sadly lynn and ash missed it. but the part of the night which i liked best was free cds!! haha. apparently, i invited the most friends, i.e. sold the most tickets. haihs, if only they knew that I was belanja-ing my friends. so here are some pics. enjoy!!
p/s: I STILL WANT A TAG BOARD!! HELP ME SOMEONE!! ok, i tried posting pictures...uploaded them then what?! i so need help with this thing. so sorry, no pics :(
Posted by grace :P at 5:10 pm
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Thursday, August 03, 2006
Disarmed
current music: Speechless - the Veronicas
have you ever felt like you're falling head over heels over some guy? haha. yes, i know it's called a crush. but i have one question...how do you know when you're having a crush? haha. what a weird thing to ask. this is what being in a girls' school and having a whole week of tests does to you. it's makes me a bit weird. suppose to be studying for accounting but too lazy. can't be stuffed.
anyway, back to our real question. how do you know you have a crush? is it:-
1. you think about the guy all the time?
2. you go online just to talk to that guy?
3. when you are jealous that the guy's asking you advise on another girl and you tell him or her to not meddle in other people's business?
how do you exactly know these things? this topic is proudly inspired by lynn's apparent infatuation for someone :P. *winks at lynn* ahaha. just another stupid post from a stupid me again to keep my blog alive.
tmr, i'm going for a music festival called mars festival!!! why am i so happy? cos i'm gonna be chillin' with my friends in an atmosphere with music!! i will be:-
1. melting with ash in the acoustics section.
2. drooling with lynn in the HOT GUY BANDS section(if they have one)
3. rocking with see ann in the punk rock section
4. watching carolyn find her way in the crowd to where all of us are
and etc. anyway, need to sleep. still got accounting sac and esl creative writing sac tmr. nites everyone. will put up a tagboard soon when i finally GET LYNN TO TEACH ME HOW!!! if you want it quick, either rush her or teach me how by commenting. hope this post is not too long. god bless.
Posted by grace :P at 10:16 pm
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