Sunday, July 25, 2010
I want nobody, nobody but you
I believe that in the span of two days, i.e. this weekend, I have exhausted this song to its fullest in hopes of getting it out of my head. I have youtubed it (the cover by Janice and Sonia is amazing), downloaded it and sang it over and over again. I even made it my ringtone! Now, I believe, this thing is fading.
Just a quick update on my week. It's been a blast. I love hospital placements! BOO to community placements.
Highlights:
1. Absolutely exciting Monday morning with a patient wanting to jump off a two storey construction site in front of the hospital. As I watched the hospital staff try to negotiate and defuse the situation, it was almost as if my training in second year came back and I must say, although I believe negotiation through the phone and face-to-face may be different, I was appalled at certain things which were said. But I suppose, in the end, medicolegally, my ass wasn't on the line.
2. I got to see a lot of Ben, the hot intern. This week I'll be spending a WHOLE week with him. You'd bet I'm going to be there everyday. Days off? what rubbish!
3. The CLIPS team is definitely the best! I've had free vanilla chai lattes and enjoyed being Slobodan's last student on CLIPS. Got used to him opening and holding doors for me. What a drastic change from Sarvesh, I must say! It was most certainly a pleasant one, especially when he signed almost all of my forms, which is now one thing less to worry about.
4. Studying this week has been most productive, which is probably the reason why I've not done much this weekend besides health economics and study group. I've been studying non-stop that it's crazy. Anxiety Disorders, Psychotherapies and Psychotic Disorders done! Also GP's ENT! I'm proud of me :).
Lowlights:
My car's battery died on me on Wednesday,which meant I couldn't go for lifegroup. Anyway, cutting a long story short, I had to call RACV twice because it died again at Li Ping's place. Ended up having to fork up $211 for a new battery. Oh, the pain! And I didn't go to Leena's party because of the drama. Dang!
Ok, now to bed and here's to another good week! Cheers and God bless xoxo
Posted by grace :P at 10:39 pm
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Saturday, July 17, 2010
Poker face
http://www.facebook.com/?ref=logo#!/notes/rosalie-lui/above-all-else-guard-your-heart-for-it-is-the-wellspring-of-life/137243362972392
"Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life"
Proverbs 4:23
Rosalie, in her notes (link above), talked about guarding her heart for God. How interesting that it should come out at a time when I felt like my heart was running away from my brain. Having read that, it was like God reminded me that my heart's rightful place is with Him and no one else. Not even me. So, no matter how I try to please Him by curbing my heart myself, it won't work. The only person who is able to do so is Him. So, God, here's my heart for your safekeeping. Sorry, I took it back for a while.
On a better note, let me tell you about patients I have seen in psychiatry. Psych is seriously a fun place to be as the patients are very interesting in their own way. However, I must say, the working conditions and the people I have met there so far are not as I expected.
In the last two weeks, I have been following Sarvesh, a psych reg at Davey St. Within that period of time, I can count the number of patients I had seen in one hand. I have also been questioned as to whether:
1. I take afternoons off to go and have coffee with my boyfriend. God knows that there's no such person and I truly detest coffee.
2. I use my afternoons to get drunk at pubs or smoke marijuana. Do I seriously look like such a person?! I've got too much of a good girl look to even give people such an impression.
3. I use the hospital's internet to watch porn. Firstly, I don't. Secondly, it's practically impossible to be able to do so as the hospital bans practically everything on the internet. Lastly, should I do so, would I have let him walk in on me when I was using the computer in his room?!
I seriously do not get Sarvesh's humour. I hardly find it funny and I hope he gets the hint whenever I do my awkward laugh. If not, well he ain't my business no more. I'm not there any more, thank God. Was going to be bored out of my mind.
So, patient no.1 had onced claimed to be seeing and hearing ghosts in the ward. One night, the nurses heard howling sounds and decided to investigate it.They arrived at a door and found the source of the noise. When they opened it, they found the patient making howling noises. No wonder she hears ghosts, the poor thing.
Patient no. 2 has always find it difficult to do things as he is hunched and is slow in all his movements. During the week, he was having a discussion with part of the treating team and something they said must have upset him. He became agitated and angry and was swearing a lot. Realising that they weren't going to allay his frustration, he ran towards his room. Just as he was nearing his room, he stopped. Suddenly, he hunched his body and began to move at an extremely slow pace into his room. Hilarious. I believe, for a moment, he forgot his poker face.
Now, perhaps I should go and practice my poker face so that I would not be found out like these two. Anyway, this week was way better and more productive despite having less done. I feel proud of myself. I'm going to try my best to ace this :).
Posted by grace :P at 12:44 am
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Friday, July 09, 2010
If anyone asks, I'll tell them we just grew apart
Here I am again, unloading my thoughts.
(1) My head hurts. I believed I've inhaled enough of paint to have isocyanate poisoning this week. Some of my clothes are even smelling like paint. So, I've been giving myself days off. Either that or get addicted to paint.
(2) School's starting again. Haven't studied much. I suppose, I've done a lot more in a week than I did in a month of holidays. But then again, it's exactly what I tell Omphile: Four years crammed into four months. God, help me to pass.
(3) Back to Frankston. Feeling a little lonely again. Doesn't help when I'm hiding in my room and trying to concentrate on studying.
(4) 4th year dilemma. If I pass, I'll achieve something that I've never exactly done before, which is start something with a group of people and finish it together. Well, that's if I pass 5th year but 4th year is harder. One of my dreams at the moment is to graduate with good grades and stand proudly next to all my beloved friends. If I study hard, I'll get to do that. But on the other hand, as time goes by, I truly dread the day when my friends fly back to Malaysia. We'll be parting forever and to be honest, it's the first time I've had a group of such close friends. I'm also not confident I can find such a group again. If I ever do, it'll be with much effort and difficulty. Not cool
(5) Can I say that I'm struggling with my grades because I truly dislike being smart or whatever? And that whenever I do osces, I always fail to find the right words because such attention on me has never been good in the past. So, it's like I'm trying so hard to fight my past instead of trying to do my best for the exam. Tell me how to solve this please.
(6) If I say I'm not stress, don't believe it. I'm clenching my teeth subconsciously each night as I fall asleep. I'm beginning to fall back to my old habits. Talking to myself non-stop. Imagining that people from the past are invading the present and are aiming to hurt me again. I waste more time drowning in the what ifs than immersing myself in my studies to cope with the present. Can someone save me?
I'm going back to reality now. If there's confusion when you're reading this, please note that it's probably what I'm feeling too. I'm just typing whatever comes to mind. Now, amongst all these confusing thoughts, I shall shove notes on schizophrenia. Hope life's better for you.
Posted by grace :P at 9:13 pm
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